Mark Twain wrote, “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”
Finding the exact word to describe something, add tension, express joy or communicate sadness can take effort. If you write, “He walked down the stairs”, it conveys a very different image from, “He flew down the stairs.”
The right word can eliminate the need for adverbs, which can make a sentence passive. “He quickly ate the pie,” could be better written as “He devoured the pie.” One word conveys the sense of haste and possession.
You can develop a command of vocabulary by reading. Still, there are times when the exact word eludes us. Then, a thesaurus becomes our friend.
A thesaurus is a collection of related words and phrases, each with subtle differences. You can find on-line thesauruses that give a few dozen examples. More complete guides with greater choices can be found in books, such as Roget’s International Thesaurus. This suggests hundreds of choices to express precisely what you intend.
Every word in a sentence needs to be important, otherwise it has no place. This requires word crafting. This is a process that starts with the first draft and is thoughtfully combed through in subsequent drafts.
Think of the pictures and emotions words convey to readers. Look for action verbs to emphasize the feat.
You could write, “Firefighters ran quickly into the burning building to rescue the child.”
Though this sentence gives a sense of urgency, it’s generic. People run in races and “run to the store” for bread. The adverb quickly could paint different pictures to different readers.
To give a sense of firefighters risking life and limb to save someone, we can look for words that match urgency, danger and dedication. “Desperation consumed the firefighters as they fought through the inferno in hope the the child was still alive.”
Here, the word desperation shows their emotional states. The word consumed serves two purposes. It give the sense of the intensity of the emotion and hints at the flames that could consume them and the child. They don’t just run through the flames, they fight their way through. We again get an emotional reaction in the word hope. Both the danger and the possible failure of their mission is emphasized with the words still alive.
When a sentence conveys more than one thing, a deeper picture is painted and readers become more involved in the story and the lives of the characters.
Scenes can concentrate on a few or even a single character. They can also contain large groups of characters, such as at a sports stadium or in a battle. In both cases, the story has to present people and not just the crowd to engage readers.
In describing a political convention, there will be speeches, cheers and chants. If you only concentrate on these, readers will see an overview but not have a character to anchor their attention to. Imagine the following scene at a political rally.
The delegates waved signs reading “Derrick” and “Bring it On” amidst a low rumble of voices. Smiles and laughter flowed in waves across the convention floor.
Jane’s eyes never strayed from the podium as she squeezed Fred’s hand. “He’ll announce funding for River Park. I just know it.”
A roar of voices blasted from the walls to drown out the band on stage as Governor Derrick stepped up to the podium accompanied by his wife and son. He fired his words in short blasts, emphasizing each with a fist smashed into his palm. “My friends, we will win this election.”
People in the crowd shouted in unison. “Four more years. Four more years.”
Derrick raised his hand for silence. “And when we do, there will be era of prosperity as never seen before. A new factory will rise on that vacant land next to the river to brings jobs and wealth.”
The political signs were thrust into the air as people erupted in applause.
Jane stood in shock. Images of the old oaks being ripped out of the ground engulfed her mind. This couldn’t be happening. He’d sworn the park would be built. She was too shocked to cry, yet her whole body shook.
Like the zoom lens of a camera, we start with an overview on the setting and the introduction of Derrick, but we don’t go into his point-of-view. This is at the grand level with no sense of individual wants and needs.
Then, we zoom in on Jane’s personal point-of-view.
The scene zooms back to Derrik’s announcement and the crowd’s large scale reaction. They’re all of a single mind with no individuality.
The zoom lens returns to Jane to see her shock and disappointment through both her actions and her inner thoughts.
I used this technique with battle scenes in The Carandir Sage where readers see the massing of troops, focus on a skirmish, then go into the point-of-view of a single soldier’s actions, determination and fears.
