David A. Wimsett's Perspectives

Some writers misunderstand the phrase, “Show don’t tell.” One is distant and vague. The other is specific and involves readers in the story. You could write:

It was a hot summer day when Mary walked to the beach. She wanted see Tom and hoped he was not still mad.

This tells readers about the day. It presents a superficial look at the situation. The characters are not engaged. Events happen in a vacuum. This is want’s meant by telling.

Consider something different:

Sweat dotted Mary’s freckled face as the summer sun blazed down on her. She shuffled past the row of brightly painted houses on her way to the beach. Tom’s angry scowl from the night before came to mind; his jaw tensed; his face red. She was certain he would be on his surfboard as he was every day. Was he still mad? Would he talk to her? A tingle churned from her stomach to her chest.

Both examples give the same information. This second one allows readers to see Mary and Tom. It places them in a physical space. It also demonstrates both character’s emotional states with physical descriptions. The passage will have greater impact and stay with readers longer. This is what is meant by showing.

There is a fine line in writing between foreshadowing and telegraphing. Foreshadowing consists of facts, incidents or dialogue that appear to be insignificant at the time, yet prepare readers for future events in the book.

For instance, a character might say, “Sara used to deliver newspapers in college to support herself. She had a great arm and could put the paper on a porch every time. She was always good with her hands. I remember how she wanted to be a sculpture from the beginning. Her job let her stay in school where a professor noticed her work and suggested she enter the state competition. That was the beginning of her art career.”

On the surface, the conversation seems to be about Sara as an artist because it moves from throwing newspapers to Sara being good with her hands to Sara being able to stay in school because of the job to Sara’s big break so she can become an artist. Her ability to throw newspapers accurately is hidden within dialogue and will fall to the back of the minds of readers until a later scene where Sara has to throw a key to a character who is trapped in a cage. The seemingly unimportant fact about her ability to always hit a porch with a newspaper leads readers to believe she can toss the key accurately. Without that piece of dialogue, the reader will not believe Sara capable of this act.

Foreshadowing can be taken too far. If the dialogue had said that Sara practiced throwing objects because she was always worried she would come across animals caught in cages where she couldn’t reach them and wanted to be able to knock the cages open. Her throwing ability in the piece of dialogue would become as import as her art career and readers would be waiting for Sara to encounter something locked in cage. When the scene comes where Sara finds a person locked in a cage where the key is hanging on a shook, readers will think, “Oh, yes. Sara will throw that key into the cage.”

This becomes telegraphing and removes the suspense. When Sara tosses the key, readers will have expected it instead of being surprised when she comes up with the solution. Her action is now mundane instead of satisfying.

Foreshadowing is all about subtlety.